


Boy Afraid

by digitalpanic



Series: Girl Afraid [2]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-12
Updated: 2013-09-12
Packaged: 2017-12-26 09:56:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/964600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/digitalpanic/pseuds/digitalpanic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spock had feeling for his Captain. Illogical, irrational, absurd, and preposterous feelings. Not quite love, a bit more than a crush. They were his feelings, nonetheless, even if his Captain did not return them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Boy Afraid

**Author's Note:**

> oH DID YOU SAY MORE ANGST? Here you go!  
> I think I'm on a Star Trek fics based on Smiths songs kick. Expect More.  
> Writing Spock is really hard for me. He's fun to write, but ughhh I just feel like I can't get his character down. I guess that'll come with more writing though.  
> Enjoy!

Spock felt... attached to his Captain. His usage of possessive pronouns should give that away easily enough.

But obviously the captain does not feel the same way. There were many reasons Spock could list that cemented this fact. The one that he would always think of first was his entire personality. He was so easily able to throw away his life if needed. He didn't value his own life, not in the least bit. If he couldn't do that, how could he value another, especially someone like Spock? How would he even go about courting the captain? He already has almost everything he could ask for, the only things he could possibly want, Spock couldn't afford. Or it just wasn't feasible to give.

It's not like his Captain even wanted him! He would joke with Spock, poking at his weak points. Most likely on accident, but it stung nonetheless. His Captain has even blatantly said a few times that he didn't care for Spock. Which, at one point, Spock had felt the same way. Which is a shame, considering that now he realizes that his Captain is a wonderful human. Sometimes he wonders if his Captain feels the same way about Spock, that after getting to know him a bit better, his Captain holds him in a higher regard. He highly doubts it.

The worst part was that he didn't really have anyone to talk to. Uhura was an option, was his only option, his most logical option. He'd take it.

"Nyota, I have some... pressing matters to talk to you about."

"Oh my, if you want to talk to me, it must be something serious! What is it? You know you can tell me anything!"

Uhura's honesty was refreshing.

"The thing is I have a bit of an... attraction to the Captain" Admitting it was painful, every time he said or thought those words.

Uhura gave a sad smile replying, "Spock, I know. I can tell these things." She must have noticed Spock's stricken look as she hastily added, "I don't think anyone else has noticed, though, least of all Kirk, but I know how you are when you like someone."

"I know it's highly illogical, but I feel that I cannot help it."

"Crushes have a way of doing that."

Uhura looked thoughtful for a moment before going back to her sad expression. "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I don't think that it's going to go anywhere, even if you tell him. I knew him during college. I mean, I wasn't friends with him or anything, but have you heard of the story of how I met him?"

Spock shook his head, "No I do not believe that I have heard that story? Should I be concerned?"

"Anymore? No. But the story's pretty wild. So young Kirk was crazy, y'know? Anyhow, we're at the Riverside base and some hooligan starts hitting on me. No big deal, I mean he was polite _enough._ Said his name was Jim Kirk and I didn't think too much of it. Then some shit happens, someone got insulted or something. I think that someone started hitting Kirk for hitting on me? It was a few years back, anyhow, and the story isn't as fresh as it used to be. All hell breaks loose. After Kirk gets the snot beat out of him, Pike somehow talks him into joining Starfleet. The rest, as they say, is history."

"Nyota, was there a point to this story other than to tell the origin story of the Captain?"

"Of course, of course. I mean it's a shame you don't know how we found him. But anyhow, Kirk was pretty wild before and during Starfleet. He's definitely toned down a bit, but I'd still be careful. Like I said, I don't think anything will happen if you tell him."

"I... I am aware of this. I must be going, thank you for talking with me. Although it may not seem obvious, you have helped me clear a few things up."

"Anytime, Spock. I'll always be here for you. I've got to get going too. Talk to you later, okay?"

"Of course" Spock rushed out and scurried back to his quarters.

His quarters. So close, yet so far, Spock thought. Nothing could be done though and he resigned himself to the fact that the Captain will always be out of reach.

Love, yes, love, he had to admit it, is such a waste.

He'll never make that mistake again.


End file.
